” And they that know Thy Name will put their trust in Thee: for Thou Lord, hast not foraken them that seek thee” Psalm 9:10
I freely admit that I suffer with ‘anxiety’ and I’ve been very slow to learn about casting all my care on the Lord. I seem to let my anxiety reach a peek of desperation before I realise what I’m doing. I suppose I’ve tried to deal with it in my own way, while thinking that I was trusting the Lord. Mostly , because I’d always been a carer for my eldest son, my fears centred around my own health and not being able to cope.
I remember years ago being in a church gathering to hear a preacher who had healing gifts. While he was speaking he suddenly stopped and pointed at me and said “The lord wants to deal with that fear and tension”. I thought he couldn’t have meant me because I’d been sitting there relaxed and happy up to that point …. but he said ” yes – you I mean ” Well – talk about Shocked !
When he finished preaching he looked at me again and said ” Don’t go away – I want to pray for you”. So there seemed nothing else for it but to go up front with everyone else.
When it was my turn, he laid his hands upon my head. I can’t remember his words, but I felt as if it were Jesus Himself touching me for I felt overwhelmed with His love and peace. I knew without doubt that I was in His care and there was nothing to fear.
Years before, one of the constant worries I’d had was money – or the lack of it. I was always worried about having enough to pay the bills, buy food etc. I won’t go into the story here, except to say that because I took a step in faith, my worries disappeared overnight and I’ve never worried about money since.
I suppose because of the permanency of what happened then, I expected this deliverance from fear and tension to be permanent too. But, alas, because of the burden and stress of various situations, instead of handing it all to the Lord [ although I mistakenly assumed that I was as I prayed about things] – I tended to focus on the problems and they dominated my thoughts again.
I went through a couple of bouts of depression from which sprang the permanent ‘anxiety’, till I had some sort of ‘breakdown’ for I ended up in bed for six weeks, totally exhausted and not able to do anything. My husband had to look after the children, cook the meals and go to work as well. I felt terribly guilty but there was nothing I could do. We had no family nearby who we could call on to help either. The church we belonged to seemed to forget us, but there was one good Christian friend who used to raise my spirits greatly when he visited.
Over the years I gradually recovered and was able to find help with the ‘anxiety’ through books and trusting the Lord [help from the doctor was zilch]. The situation with my son also changed as he went into residential care nearby. My dear husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2007 and the Lord graciously carried me through that terrible time with His peace and the certain knowledge that I will be reunited with him one day.
Since then I’ve been gradually learning that there are no ‘formulas’ except trust. Yes – the Lord can instantly heal and deliver in a moment , but, particularly with this affliction, it has to be by a learning process. That is why He allows anything adverse in our lives – so that we will learn to trust Him for our welfare.
It sometimes takes a huge conscious effort of our will to take our eyes off the problem and keep them on the Lord. We walk by faith and not by sight, but He is faithful to His word. There are wonderful promises for us in the Bible.
I’m so glad He enabled me to hold on – I never once thought of turning away from Him [ I knew what side my bread was buttered on !] – I knew He was still in charge of my life whatever happened to me. I also never asked ‘Why?’ – it never occured to me.
We can stumble many times but trusting the Lord will eventually be established as a good daily habit and we will live in His peace no matter what.
Thanks. I am looking forward to your comments at my blog. Have a great day!
Having just glanced at your own Blog – I’m impressed with your layout and obvious experience in ‘blogging’. [ I’m still feeling my way around]. I will return to it soon when I can set aside a decent amount of time to read it all. It touched my heart just reading the first few lines …..
You don’t stand alone when it comes to anxiety. We all, including me, suffer from it at some level. Like you I have not learned how to place my issue at the altar at Jesus feet. I am getting better at it because Jesus ensured that I experience situations where I had zero control thus forcing me to rely on him.
So all I can say is hang in there and keep the faith. You are not alone. BTW commented on your “about” page.